Grandma Tilly's Wedding Ceremonies

Wedding Ceremonies

Your wedding ceremony should define who you are as a couple or family. It can be irreverent, funny, or silly. It can be traditional or have its own theme. The wedding ceremony can be elegant or it can be performed in bare feet in a wooded glade. It can be a blended mixture of all of these elements. Your wedding ceremony should be anything you want it to be.

Grandma Tilly is here to help.

If you would like to write your own ceremony, feel free to do so and Tilly can learn the ceremony prior to the service, delivering it before you and your guests.

On this page, you will find many elements that you may wish to incorporate into your ceremony or ritual. These are suggestions, not requirements. Make your ceremony as simple or elaborate as you like.

Regardless of the type of wedding you choose, there are certain elements that are included.

For legal reasons, if a man and a woman in the state of Utah wish to marry officially, they must obtain a marriage license. As a part of the service and as required by law, Tilly will complete the license and return it to the appropriate county department for you. The wedding must contain a declaration of intent before at least two witnesses (hence a "Best Man/Woman" and "Matron/Maiden/Man of Honor" is required). At the end of the ceremony, Tilly "pronounces" the couple married. This is also required to meet the legal definition of marriage. Each couple will receive a Certificate of Marriage, suitable for framing, at the end of their ceremony. The signing of the license and the certificate generally occurs after the ceremony, before the "grand entrance" to your reception venue. Be sure to have your photographer prepared to take these fun and heirloom-style pictures!

Other than that, the sky is the limit. Let your imagination lead you to the perfect wedding ceremony for your tastes and personality.

Elements to Consider in Your Wedding Ceremony

Tying the Knot

This figure of speech comes down through the ages and refers to the very essence of a handfasting ritual. The parties being married were literally tied together with whatever peice of fabric or rope that was available to signify their union. They would stay physically bound until they were able to consumate their marriage, at which point they would remove the cord, leaving the knot in place. So long as the knot remained tied, their love would endure.

As time passed, the cord or fabric used to bind the couple became more elegant and extravagant. Today, many couples spend weeks fashioning the cord for their handfasting, incorporating charms and trinkets from their lives together and their courtship.

Anointing

The practice of annointing with essential oils is as common as it ancient. Several modern religions (or old religions that still practice today) incorporate annointing into their rituals, including the Catholics. The Catholics use "Chrysm" oil in several rituals known as sacraments. Tilly uses Helichrysm (pronounced HIL-a-chris-um) essential oil during her wedding ceremonies. This part of the ceremony can add a sacred and blessed aura to the proceedings as Helichrysm has the ability to help an individual forgive wrongs done to them and move forward with their lives from a spiritual and emotional "clean slate." Lavender essential oil is used in the annointing for love, pure and simple. After all, it is a wedding. Finally, geranium oil fosters hope. Hope for the future, hope for love, hope for humanity. Incorporating this oil into your service is a terrific symbol of your new future together and that from this point on, together, you represent a new hope as an example to others.

Casting the Sacred Circle

The sacred circle is not a simple line on the ground. Rather, it is a protective sphere that encapulates all of the parties within the circle energetically, psychologically and emotionally. Think of the circle as your own inner temple. Frequently used in pagan wedding rituals, the circle is an option for many. For instance, if you wish to incorporate your pagan idealogy into your ceremony, but Great Aunt Lucy would probably run screaming from the room, Tilly can help you cast your sacred circle early--before guests arrive.

If you wish to cast the sacred circle after your guests have arrived, this is a great way to let others (the ones who didn't make the wedding party list, for instance) participate in your ceremony. You can ask them to call one of the quarters with text you write, text Tilly writes for you, or you can allow them to follow their own calling and words.

Lighting the Unity Candle

Flame represents many things. Energy. Inspiration. Love. It is also one of the most basic elements, that when combined, like air, water and earth, it is impossible to tell the elements apart. For instance, the ritual of the Unity Candle combines two separate flames into a single flame. Light two matches and place them together, holding them in one hand. Once the match heads combine, it is not possible to tell one flame from the other. This is an eternal representation of individual souls merging with one another. During the first part of the ritual, Tilly will ask each of the celebrants to light a candle representing their life together. During the candle ritual, each celebrant will simultaneously light a Unity Candle and extinguish their individual candle. In most candle magick rituals, a candle is allowed to burn to the quick, extinguishing itself to release the magick. Blowing out the individual candles, therefore, is a profound ending to life as an individual and moving forward as one.

Burning of Sage or Incense

Incense has been used in ritual around the world. The smoke created by incense is purifying and also carries the intentions of those celebrating the ritual to the heavens. Tilly provides a censure on a chain that is used to bless the celebrants during the ceremony. Sage is used to cleanse the space prior to the ceremony, as well, in the ancient clearing tradition.

Customize Your Own Ceremony

Each of the elements listed on this page have a significance, but they are certainly not the only traditions or rituals available around the world. Tilly can help you customize a ceremony or ritual based upon your beliefs and your preferences.

Tilly believes in the power of thought energy and the universal source, regardless of the name one individual or another chooses to call that source. To find out more about Tilly's spiritual path and ideology, please visit the "Spiritual Paths" page.

Jumping the Broom

This multi-cultural tradition has history in the Celtic and African corners of the world. The broom symbolizes the sweeping away of a former existence, and signifies that the couple is, from this day onward, living as one. Generally, the broom is decorated with momentos of the couples life together. The staff of the broom, or the handle, represents strength or the diety of faith. The bristles represent fertility and the growth of life.

At the end of the ceremony, after the prounouncement, a special member of the audience will present the broom and lay it horizontally across the aisle, or entrance to the circle. The newly married couple jumps over the broom on their way out of the ceremony. This is generally a cause for great celebration and applause, much like the "kiss".

Another option is to place the broom at the entrace to the reception just before the newly-married couple enters.

Exchange of Rings

The ring has come to symbolize love and eternity. A ring has no beginning and no end and represents the wheel of the year as well as the recreation of life. In early times, only the female partner received a ring, as a sign of ownership. Over the course of time, this was less often the case, however it is an outward mark of faith and dediction to one another. Whether you choose to exchange one ring, or two, the ring ceremony is one of the most enchanting in any wedding ritual.

Calling the Quarters

This is a very recognizable pagan influence in some rituals. The calling of the quarters is a ceremony through which the watchtowers of the North, South, East and West are invited into the sacred circle with offerings of earth, wind, fire and water. If desired, Tilly can also invite the Lord and Lady into the circle. It is not necessary to cast a circle to invoke the quarters, however it is necessary to invoke the quarters if you choose to cast a circle.

Drinking from the Loving Cup of Plenty

Used as a symbol of prosperity and fruitfullness, drinking from the cup has been used over the eons by many spiritual paths. It represents a communion of souls. The cup can contain any beverage your wish, however wine is the most common. It is a solemn ritual, so Tilly suggests shying away from Champagne until after the ritual, but she certainly won't forbid it. You can share the cup with each other, or you can invite the entire assembly to join you in your communion, if you prefer.

Sharing of Bread

When a group of indivuals meet for a celebration, there is generally plenty food and drink. This aspect of the ritual wedding is symbolic of the same offerings established by our ancestors. The earth goddess in her bountiful love has provided the grain from which the bread is made and finds great pleasure in our consumption of the fruits of her labor. Sharing of bread during your ritual is an offering to her, thanking her for our vast good fortune.

Writing Personal Vows or Declaration

Many people planning their weddings confuse the exhanging of vows with the declaration of intent. The declaration part of the ritual is the, "I do," portion of the ceremony. The vows are the promises that you make to one another. In a traditional ceremony, Tilly will guide the celebrants through the vows with phrases such as "I promise to love, honor and cherish for as long as both shall live." More modern ceremonies give the time over to the individual to speak their mind freely, either saying what happens to be on their mind or reciting from their own pre-written vow. A combination of the two is also available: You provide the vows to Tilly and she will "feed" them to you during the ceremony so nerves won't cause either celebrant to leave a protion of their desired vows out of the ritual.

The declaration is also open for individual interpretation. The traditional declaration generally contains very one specific question. "Do you take this person to be your lawfully and spiritually wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward and foresaking all others keep only unto him/her for as long as you shall live?"

That is the traditional question. This question can be modified to fit each ceremony, however. In a handfasting, for instance, the question might change to "...for as long as the Goddess provides each of you with love and desire to be bound." Traditionally, a handfasting lasts for one year and one day, hence the celebration of the anniversary. On the anniversary, if the couple choses, the handfasting is renewed in a private ceremony.

Taking the opportunity to write your own declaration is a great way to personlize your wedding ceremony. The declaration can be funny - "Do you take Phillip to be your husband even though he falls asleep on the remote every night forcing you to watch CNN for hours because of your insomnia?" The possibilities are endless.