Spiritual Unions
Currently, in the state of Utah, Grandma Tilly cannot get married. Legally, she is restricted from marrying the person she loves because she is also a woman; that is: both Tilly and her life partner are female. Of course, these archaic laws have not stopped Tilly and her partner from getting married in the very same spiritual sense as any other couple in Utah. This is her story and the reasons why she chooses to perform weddings and legally bind individuals while she is prohibited from legally marrying.
Tilly and Sharaya on their wedding day.
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Sharaya and I had been together, every single day, for more than a year when we tied the knot. She proposed to me after we'd been dating for only a month, and only a few hours after we'd had the "let's-take-this-slowly" talk. It was simply meant to be.
We have a diverse family. My parents adored her from the very beginning. My mother had spoken to Sharaya on the phone so many times that when my folks came to Utah for a visit, Mom literally blew past me to give Sharaya her first hug. |
It was truly special. On the other hand, I'm sure that Sharaya's mom and I would get along quite well (I'm a nice, easy-going kind of gal), but she will not acknowledge that I love her daughter, that her daughter loves me and that we are a family. I am firmly relagated to being her "daughter's friend."
This became part of our wedding planning and ultimate decision making. That, and the laws of the State of Utah and the United States of America.
We could have jumped on a plane and flown to one of the more progressive states back east, like Massachusettes or Vermont, and been legally married in that state. But we live in Utah.
We could have gone to Washington, D.C, our nation's capital, and been married legally: but again, we live in Utah. And since the federal government does not choose to recognize same-sex unions conducted within its borders, well... what's the point of the heading to DC to get hitched? It's kind of like an oxy-moron, right?
We decided on a spiritual union including some elements of Sharaya's Christianity and other elements of my paganism. Our daughter performed the ritual, and she did a bang-up job of it, too. We handfasted in the ancient tradition, and the ceremony was elegant and beautiful. It was as spritually binding as any "legal" ceremony could have been. It's a little-talked-about fact that when a man and woman marry in a church under the direction of an ordained member of their clergy, they are submitting to two authorities: their chosen diety, and the state. It just falls into the same ceremony. Having a same-sex wedding leaves out those all-important legal benefits and aspects, but it is just as spiritually binding as any other.
This became part of our wedding planning and ultimate decision making. That, and the laws of the State of Utah and the United States of America.
We could have jumped on a plane and flown to one of the more progressive states back east, like Massachusettes or Vermont, and been legally married in that state. But we live in Utah.
We could have gone to Washington, D.C, our nation's capital, and been married legally: but again, we live in Utah. And since the federal government does not choose to recognize same-sex unions conducted within its borders, well... what's the point of the heading to DC to get hitched? It's kind of like an oxy-moron, right?
We decided on a spiritual union including some elements of Sharaya's Christianity and other elements of my paganism. Our daughter performed the ritual, and she did a bang-up job of it, too. We handfasted in the ancient tradition, and the ceremony was elegant and beautiful. It was as spritually binding as any "legal" ceremony could have been. It's a little-talked-about fact that when a man and woman marry in a church under the direction of an ordained member of their clergy, they are submitting to two authorities: their chosen diety, and the state. It just falls into the same ceremony. Having a same-sex wedding leaves out those all-important legal benefits and aspects, but it is just as spiritually binding as any other.
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Will Sharaya and I get legally married one day? We certainly hope so. We are saving it for the day when it is legal here in Utah and I still hold out some hope that Mother Kai will come around and accept how much I love her daughter and recognize that we are entitled to same happiness as anyone else.
In the meantime, I enjoy sharing in the happiness of others. I see no reason why anyone should delay getting legally married just because we can't, yet. If a couple chooses to engage in a spiritual union rather than a legal marriage, no matter what the makeup of the couple or family, I am ready, willing and able to help them create blessed memories of a beautiful day. |
From left: Our son, pretending that he's just been skewered with his new dirk (all boy, that one!), Sharaya Kai, our daughter Jen holding our grandson, and Tilly.
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A spiritual union is available for any couple or family who wish to join in matrimony, but are unable to do so in the State of Utah; including poly-amorous, polygamous and same gender couples. The same rates apply with the exception of families consisting of more than two adults. Please see the rates page for more information.
